Saturday, 8 August 2009

A day to myself (at last!)

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out"
Erma Bombeck

During the week I find myself yearning for some time to myself. I crave some peace and quiet and a break away from always having to focus fully on Junior.
"just give me 5 minutes!" I hear myself saying on a regular basis, "that's all I want!"
But I never get it.
Maybe in a million years from now children will have evolved to include a volume control and a pause button....
Junior is a lovely wee boy but he is very demanding - not naughty, just full on and sometimes (particularly during the six weeks of summer holidays - how have I survived?!) it just gets a bit too much. It's like I reach saturation point - I simply can't take any more ninja moves or somersaults or high-pitched squealing or flying missiles or...well, the list is endless. Sensory overload.
Why is it then that when he is away from me I miss him so much? I have the prospect of a Junior free weekend ahead of me, where I can write and cook and read a book without distraction and yet if I'm honest, I feel a bit lost. I find myself pottering about Junior's bedroom smiling at the way he has arranged the teddies on his bed or rolling my eyes at the dirty clothes that have been stuffed back into his drawers. I even (and I can't believe I'm admitting this) sit on the end of his bed and sniff his pillow. Ok, ok! I'm a sad specimen.
I think it's just because when Junior is around he is like a human tornado. He simply never stops moving and talking (even in his sleep) so when he isn't here the void he leaves is huge and silent. I am usually so busy that I only really notice his absence when I sit down for a cuppa or at night when I go to bed and I can't hear his breathing through the wall. I can't imagine being away from my wee boy for more than a day or two (at the very most).
And then before I know it he's running back through the front door with all his dirty washing, spinning and jumping on the settee and leaving a trail of destruction behind him and suddenly I'm willing it to be the weekend again!

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