Sunday, 18 July 2010

It's only week 2 of the summer holidays...

..and I'm feeling the strain already.
Sensing that I was feeling a little bit stressed Junior put his hand on my shoulder and said "I know what you need Mummy"
A bit of support? To win the Postcode Lottery? A nice cup of tea? A handsome prince?
"A nice face massage" smiled Junior with a sympathetic rub of my shoulder.
"I wish!" I scoffed, rolling my eyes to the ceiling.
"Come with me" winked Junior, leading me through to my bedroom clutching a bottle of Oil of Ulay (I know it's Olay now but I still call Starburst 'Opal Fruits' and Snickers 'Marathons')
I was feeling slightly anxious as Junior plumped up the pillow behind my head and squeezed a healthy sized blob of face cream into the palm of his hand.
"What are you doing?.." I asked suspiciously, trying to contain my OCD about anything spilling onto my bedclothes.
"Just shoosh, Mummy and close your eyes" replied Junior, gently pushing my head in the direction of the plump pillow.
I did as I was told and the next thing I knew I was drifting in and out of consciousness.
Turns out that Junior was taught how to give facial massages in Primary One. All the kids are shown how to do this to one another during what is called Golden Time. Apparantly it helps with relaxation, class bonding and learning what kind of touch is appropriate. Nice to know the taxpayers money isn't going to waste after all.
He did everything beautifully and with little butterfly touches. He even said all the right things like "Just feel yourself floating away" and "All your cares are disappearing"
It was an extraordinary experience and one that reminded me of all the times I gave Junior a massage with baby oil when he was a tiny baby. It used to calm him down before he went to bed and it was something we both enjoyed (although I had to be careful his greasy little body didn't shoot out of my hands like a bar of soap when I lifted him off the changing mat) He used to get what I call the 'thousand mile stare' as I rubbed the massage oil into the fleshy folds of his skin. It was the only time I remember him lying still for longer than 2 seconds.
So, I'm lying there getting my ear lobes rubbed simultaneoulsy (I know! It was fab) and Junior starts talking like Paul McKenna...
"Just feel your worries s-l-i-d-e down your face...down your chubby cheeks and over your big blubbery lips"
I felt a bubble of laughter rise up from my stomach. I tried to hold onto it but it shot up into my shoulders and they started to shake silently. This set Junior off into a fit of wild giggles. He lost all control of his bodily functions, snorting a rather large snotter onto my eyelid at the same time as letting off the loudest fart.
The spell was broken.


  1. I just stopped laughing. That's hilarious and brilliant!

    What's the thousand mile stare? I've heard of it so many times yet I have no idea what it is. Is it a mother thing?

  2. Glad I made you laugh Miss Anon! Honestly, there are so many moments in my day like that one. I really should write them all down.
    The 'thousand mile stare' is something that Junior does when he is super tired and relaxed. I guess the best way to describe it is it looks like he's sleeping with his eyes open. His eyes are fixed on a very distant spot and the next time he blinks his lids stay shut and he goes to sleep. Hope that explains it!
    Thanks for following my blog.
    : )

  3. Aww that's so cute!

    You could write a memoirs kind of thing!

    No problem! Your blog is one of the few that can even put a smile on my face.