Paws for thought

"Time spent with cats is never wasted"

Sigmund Freud

What a lovely weekend I have had. I feel so relaxed and I think it's partly due to having been in the company of Tommy and Charlie (Chaz for short). These two beauties belong to my sister (well, I say 'belong' but really, cats are such free spirits they transcend ownership).

Tommy is the black one and Chaz is black and white. Both are very handsome, I'm sure you'll agree.

They are lovely boys, very gentle and entertaining. They have had a very calming effect on me. I feel like I have had my 'feline' battery recharged!

I absolutely LOVE cats and I know that one day I will be surrounded by them just like one of the characters in my novel. Alas - the time is just not quite right to make that commitment again. I had my old cat Bonnie for nearly 17 years and it is so difficult to say goodbye to a faithful, furry friend. I will just have to make sure I make plenty of visits to see my fluffy nephews!

Thankyou Sandra for a brilliant weekend x

The Sum of All Fears

In recent weeks I have noticed a frightening development in my mothering skills. Suddenly I find myself saying things that I always promised myself I would never say to my offspring - "Do you think I'm made of money?", "I don't care what anyone else does - YOU'RE NOT DOING IT!" and "because I said so" (to name just a few). The one that makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck more than any other is "we all have to do things we don't want to do!"

But it's true!

Today I find myself doing absolutely anything other than what I really need to be doing - which is studying for an imminent exam in Mathematics. Now, bearing in mind that I failed 'O' Grade Maths twice at school is it any wonder that every time I open the textbook and see the array of graphs and formulas, equations and rules that I come out in a cold sweat? Not only am I convinced I have discalculalia (the numerical equivalent of dyslexia) my heart is SO NOT IN THIS! What I really want to be doing is working on my next novel (or watching "Loose Woman" with a cuppa..) so it pains me to have to sit and try to make sense of something which feels like an uphill struggle for my brain.

But -it has to be done in order for me to pursue my ambition to become a teacher. So yes, "sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do" - it's a tough lesson but one that will prepare my wee boy for a lifetime of having to tackle horrible tasks (albeit reluctantly). In the words of one of my favourite authors, Mark Twain - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Twain - "Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain"

There is a Yiddish Proverb which goes like this:

"If you don't want to do something, one excuse is as good as another".

I guess what this means is why bother conjuring up loads of different excuses for not doing something when we have already made the decision not to do it? During the last few weeks I have never had a tidier cutlery drawer or a more organised bathroom cabinet. Nor has my CD collection ever been so alphabeticalised! I have been quite inventive in my excuses not to have to sit down and learn about transposition of formula! I have created something to do (anything to do) other than the one thing I know needs to be done with urgent priority. What I really should do at times like these is just write some of my novel. At least then I would be doing the one thing I actually want to do. My knives and forks really don't need to be put in order of ascending size - this is just a delaying tactic. So the next time I speak those dreaded words to my son, words which used to induce a week long sulk from me as a teenager, I really should listen to my own advice and just get on with it!

Right I'm off to tackle quadratic functions and trigonometric identities (or maybe my windows could do with a clean?.... )

Exciting development!

http://www.scottishbooktrust.com/contacts/hazel-allan-1

Grow to be the best

I read this story in a newspaper at the weekend and thought I would share it with you -

"A good friend of mine went through deep emotional experiences during his life and when I asked him how he coped he said he always thought back to his first job, when he was training to become a gardener. He was told to grow some seedlings in six trays, so he placed them in sunlight and the plants flourished until something strange happened.

His boss told him to move the plants to a dark cellar and allow them to wane. When they were almost dead he was asked to bring them back out into the sunlight and watch them carefully. This exercise, he was told, was to help the plants become extra strong. After the experience of nearly dying they would fight for existence and grow to be the best they could"

That message is a powerful one and a great lesson to us all. Whatever happens in life and however sad our experiences might be they can strengthen us and make us better people - more able to fulfil our purpose in life.

The Living Years

I've been thinking all day about some sad news I heard at the weekend. Someone I used to be close to lost his father yesterday and it has really made me consider a few things. Why do we all take our loved ones for granted? Why is it that we always wait until it's too late to say the things we want to say?

This moving song was written from the perspective of a son who had a conflicted relationship with his Dad. After his father dies, he discovers that they had a much stronger bond than he ever realised, and regrets not saying more while he was alive. It's called 'The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics.

"Every generation

Blames the one before

And all of their frustrations

Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner

To all my father held so dear

I know that I'm a hostage

To all his hopes and fears

I just wish I could have told him

in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper

Filled with imperfect thought

Stilted conversations

I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it

He says it's perfect sense

You just can't get agreement

In this present tense

We all talk a different language

Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear

You can listen as well as you hear

It's too late when we die

To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning

When my father passed away

I didn't get to tell him

All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit

Later that same year

I'm sure I heard his echo

In my baby's new born tears

I just wish I could have told him

in the living years"

Listen to this song at http://vodpod.com/watch/1121894-mike-the-mechanics-the-living-years

Mother's Day

A Sonnet for My Incomparable Mother

I often contemplate my childhood, Mum.

I am a mother now, and so I know

Hard work is mixed together with the fun;

You learned that when you raised me long ago.
I think of all the things you gave to me:

Sacrifice, devotion, love and tears,

Your heart, your mind, your energy and soul-

-All these you spent on me throughout the years.
You loved me with a never-failing love

You gave me strength and sweet security,

And then you did the hardest thing of all:

You let me separate and set me free.
Every day, I try my best to be

A mother like the mum you were to me.

By Joanna Fuchs

Portrait - Mother and Son by Roy C. Gamble

Happy Mother's Day to all you mummies out there.

My first event!

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it... You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do"

Eleanor Roosevelt

When Keith (Strident Publishing) informed me at the beginning of this year that he would like me to present "Bree McCready and the Half-Heart Locket" to one hundred Primary 6/7 children and their teachers as part of the Craigmillar Book Festival I could barely control my nerves. I had never done anything like it before and I started to doubt my capabilities. By the time I got to the Gaff theatre in Craigmillar yesterday morning I was on the verge of jumping back in my car and driving away like something out of Starsky and Hutch! But I didn't.. I looked fear in the face, took a deep breath and threw myself into the experience. I can only equate it with sitting on the edge of an open aeroplane waiting to jump out. Keith was there for moral support and boy, was I glad!

As the children from the four cluster schools in Craigmillar (Niddrie Mill, St Francis, Newcraighall and Castleview Primaries) started to pour into the theatre I was in a dreamlike state thinking "Is this actually happening, or am I going to wake up any second?!"

The first words to escape my mouth are now a blur - I genuinely cannot remember what I said - but after a few minutes the nerves melted away and I actually started to enjoy myself. How amazing is that! The best bit was reading an excerpt from the book - I read an exciting part from Chapter 10. No-one other than me and the Strident team have ever heard or read the story before so this was another goosebump moment for me...

The children were amazing. They sat perfectly and listened intently for a whole hour and really made me feel relaxed. Thanks guys (your teachers should be really proud of you all). When it came time for questions and answers I was really impressed by some of the original and interesting questions that were asked. At the end, Philip Hughes asked me to pose for some photos and I had to climb up the centre steps to the top of the theatre. It felt like I was on "Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway"! Come on down!!

I am really looking forward to reading the 'Magic Door Competition' entries when they arrive. I hope you children took on board the top tips I shared with you but most of all I hope you felt inspired to put pen to paper when you got back to school! I really want to thank you all again for being the first ever people to hear about my book. That makes you really special in my eyes and I will never forget you. I can't wait to see you all again when "Bree McCready and the Half-Heart Locket" comes out in August. Watch this space!